Safe Viewing is a song that appeared in Series 6episode 3 of spitting image, and released as track 18 on the album 20 Great Golden Gobs. It is a parody of Gilbert and Sullivan operas, more specifically the song "I've got a little list".
The song is sung by Sir William Rees-Mogg, and a chorus of other celebrities. It is a spoof of British censors, how inconsistent they can be, and where their motivations truly lie.
Can Romeo kiss Juliet? Well if it’s in good taste. I think I can allow it, But not below the waist!
You want to show Last Tango, ey? Well that sounds rather hot. I hope you can assure me, The butter’s out of shot.
A drama that is biblical? Yes I’ll give that the nod! But don’t suggest that Mary, Had messed around with God!
(Chorus):
(But don’t suggest that Mary, Has messed around with God!) He knows what’s acceptable. He knows what’s obscene. He’ll never let a penis, Penetrate your screen!
No groping! No screwing! Uncle William offers you safe viewing!
[This part is only on the TV version]
(Mogg):
Ah! There we are, no chance of catching anything from that. (*phone ringing*)
[This is intact in the CD version] Hello? OOOUUUGGHH!!!
Gorillas in the Mist you say? She sounds extremely SICK! I’ll let it pass provided, The mist is VERY THICK!
A Derrick Jarman Video? I don’t that will shock. I met a man who told me, It’s all a load of cock!
The tales of Madame Bovary? Well that’s a definite NO!!! The only Gallic classic, Is called ‘Allo ‘Allo!
(Chorus):
(The only Gallic classic Is called ‘Allo ‘Allo) He knows what's acceptable For boring old-farts! He won’t commit to close-ups, Of your private parts! No groping! No screwing! Uncle William Offers you safe viewing!
(On TV, The remainder of the song is an instrumental while Mogg continues to reject suggestions, usually muttering “Oh no no!” etc. But on the "20 Great Golden Gobs" version, the song ends after a few measures.)