The Spitting Image Answer Backs were a series of comedic answering machine audios that were produced in the late 80’s.
The main 3 sets were centered around celebrities, politicians, and the British Royal Family. The celebrity and politician Answer Backs were the only ones in the series to have sequels made of them featuring new audio.
Characters
Celebrity Impressions
More Celebrity Impressions
- Barry Norman
- Steven Spielberg (mentioned)
- Barbra Streisand (mentioned)
- Robin Day
- John Gielgud
- ???
Political Impressions
- Neil Kinnock
- Glenys Kinnock (mentioned)
- Roy Hattersley
- Margaret Thatcher
- Ronald Reagan
- Mickey Rooney (mentioned)
- Nigel Lawson (mentioned)
More Political Impressions
- Margaret Thatcher
- Geoffrey Howe (mentioned)
- Neil Kinnock
- John Cole
Royal Impressions
- The Queen Mother
- Charles III
- Princess Diana (mentioned)
- Prince William (mentioned)
- Prince Harry (mentioned)
- Andrew Mountbatten Windsor
- Princess Beatrice (cries heard)
- Sarah Ferguson (mentioned)
Transcripts
Celebrity Impressions
Voice: Five, four, three, two, one.
David Attenborough: and it is here that you have chosen to call one of the world's most remarkable creatures unfortunately present it is not to be found in his natural habitat perhaps it is out foraging for food even enjoying one of its more unusual mating practices whatever the case there is no need to worry a mother nature has provided the answers macula announcing machine soplease leave your message after this rare and unique noise the territorial call or the lesser spotted wombat
Voice: Five, four, three, two, one.
David Coleman: and I wore welcome to this race against and down I know you were hoping to talk directly to one of the world's greatest athletes but unfortunately they have got out yes they're out they're completely out of it now and that means they're dotted and quite remarkable but extraordinary things are happening now because it's possible for you to catch up with a boy leaving your neighbor number after this noise so David it's tone hello toad this is David
Voice: Five, four, three, two, one.
Bob Geldof: no look just listen I've something to say to you it's simple it's clear and it's this give us your hand message now
Voice: Five, four, three, two, one.
Robert Runcie: one good day to you this is the Archbishop of Canterbury I'm here today to offer you a message of hope it is a message which I think gives each and every one of us something special to believe in for the future the message is this there is no one ahead ofthe moment but please leave your namenumber and message pastor the chime andI'm sure salmon will get back to you thank you so much for calling
Voice: Five, four, three, two, one. Hello, I’m sorry but no one is available to take your call at the moment. So please leave your name, number, and any message after the tone.
More Celebrity Impressions
Voice: Five, four, three, two, one.
Barry Norman: hello and just to prove that i'm not always mixing with millionaire film stars i'm here on this answering machine to tell you we're out on location looking at the latest stephen spielberg movie but don't worry i'll be reviewing your messages too the eagerly awaited sequel to your messages one but first by popular demand our competition and why not that in a sense is why it's there see if you can name drop and leave your message and a number after this noise which is in fact a short extract from the latest barbra streisand musical
Voice: Five, four, three, two, one.
Robin Day: good day to you this is robin day speaking to you from the for the number you have just called where i've been made most welcome just a small one please my darling and today i've been asked to answer the telephone for them a strange request you may think but the fee was right so here i am and on today's program we have some very interesting questions and you have been selected to be on the panel bully for you so here is your first question what is your message come on please keep to the point we haven't got all night
Voice: Five, four, three, two, one.
John Gielgud: i know why you've used this new fangled device called the telephone the reason is to chatter away with dear dear dear me i've forgotten the name oh yes yes it is dear dear dear no it's gone yes gonna gone oh i remember now something i had to tell you please leave a lovely lovely message with your dear dear dear name after the turn
Voice: Five, four, three, two, one.
???: uh hello i'm afraid the person you've just called is tied up at the moment a little bondage if you know what i mean don't worry though i'm sure they've got a little gadget to set themselves free anyway i'm answering this call and i'm going to use a little gentle persuasion with your friend here to get you to leave a message if you don't things could get worse please speak after the tone
Voice: Five, four, three, two, one. Hello, I’m sorry but no one is available to take your call at the moment. So please leave your name, number, and any message after the tone.
Political Impressions
Voice: Five, four, three, two, one.
Neil Kinnock: yes glennis I do know how to operate a bloody answer machine thank you very much yes you just tell the Bozo on the other end of the line to leave their name and number after the silly noise that goes beep right let's record it now I must come across as charming and trendy and wood-winning the kind of person who has 501 jeans oh look the little wheels are going around already
Voice: Five, four, three, two, one.
Neil Kinnock: hello this is the leader of the labor party it is my duty to tell you that there is no one in at the moment
Roy Hattersley: that's not quite true Neil
Neil Kinnock: what do you mean right
Roy Hattersley: well Mrs Saturn she's always in I can't remember when she was ever out
Neil Kinnock: yes yes right so please leave your name number and a message
Roy Hattersley: in fact she's been in for a decade now she might have popped out for a bit of bacon once
Neil Kinnock: we will endeavor to get a message back to you as soon as someone gets in
Roy Hattersley: I tell you what Neil it definitely won't be yours will it
Neil Kinnock: all right
Voice: Five, four, three, two, one.
Ronald Reagan: hey big fella I'm afraid the old turkey is not in the Oval Office at the moment no sir gone to solve some minor problems with the budget deficit and the SDIprogram now don't you go thinking that I'm the kind of fellow who sits about answering the phone because I'm not so please leave your name number and a message after this noise and now which button is it Eeny Meeny Mickey Rooney which one of us is the Looney
Voice: Five, four, three, two, one.
Margaret Thatcher: hello this is the prime minister talking down to there's no one available at the moment to take your call to tell you the truth they're teaching the chance of the exchequer to add up so there may be some time if you wish you could leave your name and number though obviously I already have them on file somewhere I'll pass your message on to the proper authorities we'll be making arrangements to get held of you very soon thank you so much for calling
Voice: Five, four, three, two, one. Hello, I’m sorry but no one is available to take your call at the moment. So please leave your name, number, and any message after the tone.
More Political Impressions
Voice: Five, four, three, two, one.
Margaret Thatcher: good day in line with emergency government policy i have taken over this telephone line whoever you were trying to contact was obviously subversive and a danger a danger to national security if you wish to leave your name number and message please do so after the tone but may i just say that if you too turn out to be a scour less individual i'll have you intercepted as well
Voice: Five, four, three, two, one.
Margaret Thatcher: good day tia this is the prime minister person intercepting this telephone call proving i do listen to the british public there now follows an information announcement from the government that's me folks unfortunately there's no inherited person to take your callout of dennis and i closing down a day center but if you are important or even just jeffrey howe please leave your name number and a message after the tone if you are not important please stop wasting my time
Voice: Five, four, three, two, one.
Neil Kinnock: this is the future prime minister speaking the lovely lovely lovelypotential voter is not at home at the minute because they've gone out to compile a book entitled labor policies over which the labour party is united there's a note here saying i should be back in about 30 seconds what
Voice: Five, four, three, two, one.
John Cole: it has been rumored today in the house of commons that there is no one available to answer this telephone in afurious debate over who was to stay and to take calls it soon became clear that there would be no concessions in any side the prime minister refused to comment on the situation and the leader of the opposition refused to stop commenting i have been asked to stay here and receive your calls until they untie me this is john cole answering this telephone help
Voice: Five, four, three, two, one. Hello, I’m sorry but no one is available to take your call at the moment. So please leave your name, number, and any message after the tone.
Royal Impressions
Voice: Five, four, three, two, one.
Queen Mother: Good day, this is a royal recorded announcement from her majesty the Queen Mother. Speaking to you, the commonwealth, all in your language “how-do, this is the Queen Mum of any word with you the common”. Please leave your name, number, and lack of breeding after the starting pistol. See you at sundown [?].
Voice: Five, four, three, two, one.
Charles: My wife and I wish you a very merry christmas we- oh hello subjects, I’m just practicing the king's christmas message. I’m afraid one’s subject is not available at the moment, they told me to tell you that they've gone out to that carbuncle of a supermarket to purchase some asparagus tips. But don't worry, I’ll be talking to them very soon, the asparagus tips that is. In the meantime please leave one's name, message, and number after one's tone.
Voice: Five, four, three, two, one.
Charles: Ah hello, look I’m most dreadfully sorry that none of us here can actually answer the phone at the moment, we're all rather tied up, just one of Wills little games. But not to worry, he'll untie us soon and then we'll attend to your message as soon as we possibly can. Uh hello, Wills, Wills what are you doing with that? Wills, Wills! No Wills, Di- Harry, Wills- Wills no!
Voice: Five, four, three, two, one.
Andrew: Uh hello, I’m afraid no one can come to the phone at the moment. Fergie is out servicing my chopper (Andrew chuckles) and has left me holding the fort and holding the baby. Hmm, last time the silly filly used anti-freckle oil and it failed a spot check (baby cries). Anyhow if you'd like to leave your name, a number, and a message I’ll jot it down… oh no Beat’ not again! I’ll jot it down on this rather damp nappy.
Voice: Five, four, three, two, one. Hello, I’m sorry but no one is available to take your call at the moment. So please leave your name, number, and any message after the tone.