you

desi stay well I must say I didn't

expect you to melt function quite so

soon job sorry Margaret sorry Margaret

after all I programmed you to be exactly

like me but now you're going on about

Europe and homelessness and the

classless Britain your wiring must be

completely buggered ah this might do it

Wendy won't fix anything with that

market oh I don't know oh dear

unemployment is rocketing but I don't

care I'm going down in the polls but

I'll go on and on and on we are a

grandmother now you are exactly like me

this robots not returning good you go

wash and go yes there are still some

hostages who've not yet been released

tonight we ask will these innocent

victims of a corrupt regime who've been

held in appalling conditions be free in

time to spend Christmas with their

families

well the Birmingham six is a very

complex case here

hello if the atmosphere outside the

house is very tense indeed because it's

my wedding anniversary and I come home

rather late this is John Cole waiting by

the door where the hell have you been

well dear it was a very exciting and

dramatic day I had to spend the entire

time standing in the street outside

number 10

why has something happened who cares I

just enjoy standing in the street I just

can't get enough of it

Downing Street Victoria Street as long

as it's a straight I love it look are

you gonna come in well that's an

extremely difficult question so with me

are Patti Austin and David Owen

gentlemen should I go in I don't bloody

know

is there a straight through the door no

then why would I be interested cuz

that's where your bed is oh that's is

where you're wrong

what in a surprise move today I

our entire bedroom shifted into the

street and seeing it's our anniversary

I reckon we could end up having an

all-night session

tell me dear how was it for you well no

new paddy ashdown and David Owen how was

it for you I don't bloody know this is

John Cole in bed but in the street could

you sing your autobiography for me mr.

Regan okey-dokey oh thanks Gigi could

you add love to bets Lou sure oh great

what is this it's your book mr. Rago

nothing about this you've just signed it

look there hey this is not my signature

it's all right Ronny it's a book about

your life when you would president

president oh I remember when we used to

give money to the Contras gee willikers

what a giveaway

I can shun hmm he was never Doris Roy

duties for the week Dimbleby

also you will continue your

investigation into corruption in the

West county Constabulary I do ours off

Dixon's up you're investigating Dimbleby

for planting evidence in his

investigation you boss oh you're looking

into allegations of Dixon falsifying BB

statements so what I hate bank robbers

oh sorry buddy

now you investigating Crawford for

taking bribes from kitchen York

investigating Bardot for trying to frame

Crawford for setting him up we then

prostitute right gave me of the Maori

madam we're much too busy go back in

three months

move along there be

after weeks of elimination and wanker

Vittoria leadership courses is truly

over so tonight we ask is this the end

of the Tory Party well I don't think so

and the reason is this we've removed the

rancor once of all a lot of people are

pointing at you mr. Hazeltine and saying

where did this wanker come from well

that's ridiculous I wanted to get rid of

the rancor all right let me bring in

void Jenkins why do you think we've seen

the last of the rancor not relevant you

have to remember we were used to this

sort of wanker in the SDP let's get some

other views Jonathan Ross well why and

whilst one of subjects of banker about

your major I mean he's not exactly a 20

dresser with respect mr. Ross

that's irrelevant John Major has gone

from a rank outsider to the highest

ranking position in politics wouldn't

you agree

Frank Mille rancor is a feeling of

extreme bitterness it's a pile of

Romanian laps whopping or it's a word

that describes Michael Heseltine

oh thank god see can't you just sick of

seen common people on TV all the time

dying all over the bloody papers to

common people on holiday that's the

Reese's half common people getting too

fat who bloody cares yes well I think

it's about time that commoners were

abolished all together they're outdated

outmoded and completely out of touch

with what royal people think oh I know

they're pretty hard but you can't

abolish them altogether why not sit

there like you know traditional they're

part of our great but it's heritage yeah

but what bloody good - they do of every

good for the tourist industry I'm

driving buses things like that I see

they do a magnificent job well I

wouldn't be a commoner they gave me all

the money in the world I thought they

already have it's not they're getting at

them all the time you know commoners

can't answer bad it's not one of them

with a proper job in wind you last see a

common person over their bridge or sit

for a portrait or get their piggy on a

stampede yeah all set up their own

theatrical production company will write

a brilliantly weighted children's book

you know I'm beginning to agree with you

par in law oh god I must be wrong men

are there's things I you're and a bit of

author yes still wasn't grumble out

there look at the state of things on

Days the country we've been round again

no bottle I'm more worried about the

economy oh I don't know nothing about

economics banjo it seems to me it's

inevitable what with your transitional

period some state-run monopoly to a

western-style market let economy all you

need there is a decentralized economy

with a revitalized infrastructure and a

planned distribution system yes I'll

take that on board dot hmm never do

something about that stone a bit of

anise I'll get that off laughs before

thanks a lot

my stay being Prime Minister dear yes

thank you Norma you weren't too exciting

where you not really huh good meatballs

all right oh yes very nice very tasty

and the peas very nice

hmm I see Inspector Morse is on later

tonight oh really

well shall we do the washing up yes know

what I mean we could we could leave it

leave the washing up yes and take the

Orient Express to Venice drink champagne

oh and Big Love under the stars as a

nearby gondolier sings shisha Lederman

ena Oh getting exciting dear I'm sorry

dear I'd better go to the exciting room

do excuse me yes

hmmm I see points of view is unsightly

earlier this evening

hmm so there we have it

Glenda Jackson it's a well-known actress

it's a perspective labor gathered at all

which the fifth member of the Jackson 5

know just remember because Glenda

happens to have done the odd part in a

couple of boring old movies every no

start treatment here she's coming here

action

shut up Lloyd welcome to the opening

night

sorry Labor Party it's now easy to think

they were saying this what is it it's

your membership card but it says to

kneel with love and kisses the

formalities and now as far as the next

election is concerned you've got a very

important role to play yes it's a gritty

northern us who comes down to London me

salad Bay look if you don't mind I just

want to be treated like a serious

politician exactly Glenda and that's why

we'd like you to appear in our next

party political broadcast it doesn't

involve any acting does it oh no no no

all you do is you attack the Tories

record spell out the Labour alternative

yes and then you take it chopped off yes

the punters are expecting age and

everything you've done look I didn't

become a bloody Labour Party candidate

to take my tits out thank you very much

but we've already shot me your nail

having a nude wrestling match by the

fire you know I'm sorry I refuse to be

treated like this alright love all right

we'll fade your way what do you want to

do well I say we introduce credit

controls investing training increased

regional development maximise inherent

resources of an unemployed workforce

justic you're acting love leave the

politics to it Oh what about the love

scene you smear treacle all of my

listing bothers you from ideas of in

comes the board game to end all board

games board there's absolutely nothing

to it with special features including no

pieces plus no cards yes board where the

game is sink one up for yourself you

lazy bastards must we do everything for

you let's go down a path new board it's

just like any other board game cuz it

costs a fortune and you get shot all

entertainment not included

George wake up George

that is that yo who else George now

what's the big delay

why do you mean I thought you had some

work for me out in the Gulf

well are we looking at a delivery date

of January 15th si hold on let say 1

million of their troops half a million

of yours I can see I'm gonna be rather

busy oh let's not be too hasty I mean I

didn't realize George you're not gonna

let me down are you what happened to all

that ass-kicking we heard so much about

huh to tell the truth I'm going a bit

cold on the whole idea don't worry

George it won't be you who's going cold

your name's not on this list is that all

the casualties oh no George only a 2ds

looked at maybe I overreacted

don't forget the oil George I don't want

to go down in history as the guy who

started World War 3 there won't be any

history George no dev wait let's

negotiate

give sanctions a chance anything don't

let them die

Elbe Abra just had this terrible dream

what is it dear death came to me and

warned me the thousands upon thousands

of people would die in horrible war what

a nightmare i back down

oh good morning madam good Molly sir

morning could I tempt you with something

from the delicatessen counter oh yes

a slice of the counter please this much

a bit more hmm a little bit more Appeals

da unboxing day we'd like a hot meal how

about the slap a bull of Steven oh okay

no would you like some duck a L'Orange

with some filet mignon touch it we live

in Russia but for certain select

customers I keep something special under

the counter what is that

Oh food I didn't know you could still

get floor I was wondering uh if I told

you I was president garbage Oh

perhaps there's something you keep under

the counter just for me why of course

take this you see you hey that's my

lunch

Oh

so what'd you think of my demo man well

I just loved the first track boys the

ten now has remix of the Puccini opera

yeah with a sample James Brown drum beat

the remastered Linda's phone cool right

I mean it's really happening but uh I've

got a problem with that last track me

too basically I just didn't recognize

any of it right oh wow that's cut it's

on a regional song original no I haven't

heard of them or their 60s oh girl ah

original you know new new no sorry I

don't understand

is it a remix not original means like an

idea that no one has had before what and

then sampled it hasn't been sampled

remakes megamix revamp nothing I just

might be out oh I see you've made it up

from other records

miss Amanda song is original it hasn't

ever ever existed before

what never no not even in the 60s no

well what a happening concept original I

like it let's do something original

yeah and the great thing is we can do it

again and again

Oh Alan I'm so excited

I'll never get to sleep well I don't see

why Sora

so the still nine days left till

Christmas only nine oh my goodness I

better get the sprouts on we don't on

the Munden done oh that reminds me

I meant to order a melon from the

greengrocers we always have melon the

Christmas mind jewel we end up throwing

it out but it wouldn't be Christmas

without it Oh Alan this is awful I wish

there was no such thing as Christmas Oh

what if I said forgive me baby Jesus

fool I remember crying as a child of six

we're carrying Bradley's big sister to

great delight in tell her there's no

such thing as Santa Claus

what Oh Alan you've ruined everything Oh

maybe Christmas it's a good job I did

tell about Jesus ah well I expect you're

pretty glad to forget all about number

10 and take over the housework from me

oh by the way we've run out of puffer

puffer right mr. South sure may I remind

the house earth at under your

administration we ran out of puff up our

rice five times a week

Oh Lord they'll starve that you sign

this shit watch me sucks and get me a

clean pair of underpants I think I need

a gym it no no no I'm gonna clean

Underpants I refer my right honourable

son to the reply guess from moments ago

I'm enjoying this where is he gone she's

probably flogged it off to the Japanese

on the country I got a much better

shared opportunity in mind vectors is

you have to go never this is my kitchen

I shall go on and on and on um I'm

afraid not actually uh come in clean

Underpants anyone the story is so far as

a result of a bizarre transportation

accident three of our puppets are at

large in the outside world

those are snake puppets and got

themselves a rescue vehicle but it's

heading for a brick wall that's the plot

now I'll catch them Julie prolific very

quick indeed in two seconds to impact

gentlemen

we've made it nice driving mr. Spock hmm

most illogical we appear to be flying in

a 1967 Morris Minor convertible oh who

cares we've escaped from the puppet

masters once and for all don't ball

being made to look like a flat now hook

up ah nothing could stop us now father I

can only take five you're marvelous

David darling love the way you look like

a prat but but we've escaped this is the

real world

yes jokes over laughter Tuesday next

case fascinating

we were merely permitted the illusion of

freedom whereas in reality our every

movement was being controlled so sharp

you're Sparky

oh well it was fun while it bastard I

suppose we were always destined to be

puppets capture places everyone come on

come on oh yes Joe Smith what is it oh

it's so some of our puppets so what

about them missing you mean some of our

puppets

really

missing this time

we all have a pleasant trip back to

England

the Wachau me or muckers I can't wait to

get up those apples and bears back to my

gaff in bloody the chim chiminey our

thermal odd for codeine and Chips Labov

even Karen's good afternoon mr.

president

or I let me I love me at all Mary

Poppins Big Bear

so just stamp my visa I'm sure I

recognise him let me see your passport

uh-huh so miss Lumley why do you want to

leave Iraq because I'm in big trouble

that's it I'm pregnant why should I look

please I've got to get out of here

they're going to attack is everyone here

is starving they'll take it out of me

I'm sorry mr. president there's no way

we can I love you to get on that plane

who are not because we are getting on

anybody

oh you shut your mouth and look at my

bride lousy music look al gory which

monster barks a groovy cat

all these really cool man Paganini you

check their ID game Edyta bio Vernon

suck and me are just a bit too much they

must do much maestro boss boss little

bit of dots don't some music thanks my

name Stone the crows I'm Jack the lad

that's my claim to fame

oh nice give us a pawn scissors

oh all right now uh now it ordered a

pepperoni are your walk plays a violin

just some icons on the ugly confuse we

born and raised and icons but just as a

star walking boss don't having a dollar

I learn merely accusing light from our

for bleaching my Lars yes Marta sauce

boss twiddle build awesome using water

saga unlike your hoody venue in on

fixing pipes and lagers are which all

gonquai over there oh it's all gone

quiet over there

you idiot fellas tuning up alright Simon

Rattle your kites in a stimulus to prove

the amnon and drop it on me I get to

help or in the docks

lay it on me violin it's just a finish

up it'll make it out I'm working class

now that's for our caller fiddle

Marshall Bosh Bosh Tweedles Brooks

course those the music louder pipe I'm a

serious musician oops

what given Gary and wake of a boat

carrying you

what is that the end of the series

yeah couldn't we just have one sketch

with me where a dude end up crying